Today was one of those days I was warned about. One of those hot, summery, sunny, days where everything is going really well, and then BAM! This grey thundercloud enveloped me out of no where. It was a day that other moms of special needs children warned me about. A day where I would once again mourn. A day where my anger and sadness would yet again grip me and decide they wanted to hang out with me for the day. What really sucks is that there is no warning leading up to it. Your baby is doing great and you really have no reason to be upset. Yet, at the same time, you do. Because what you had anticipated and built up in your mind is not the reality you were faced with. There are times you get tired of being positive. Tired of it taking 45 minutes to feed your child when other babies are eating the same amount in ten minutes. Tired of doctors appointments. Tired of stares. Tired of feeling drained. Tired of the " you are doing a great job", which translates into I'm so glad it isn't me! Tired of explaining. YOU GET TIRED!
So that is where I am today. It makes me feel better to write those things. Makes me feel normal again!
We welcomed Sophia Grace Brooks into the world on April 8th, 2012. She was born with an extra chromosome, which we think makes her extra special. This is HER story and our FAMILY journey.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Sophia has brought so much joy to my life over the past three months. Joy that I never knew. I knew when I became pregnant, that I of course would love my baby. I never realized the feeling of love would overwhelm me at times. It is such a strong, consuming feeling of love. She is amazing already and continues to make me proud of her strength and even her stubbornness. She is teaching me to be a better person. To look at others more kindly. To be patient. To enjoy every moment and soak up all the happiness that life has to offer. Was that the plan? I may never know.I do know however that Sophia is perfect and is the best gift I never knew I wanted!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Long Day
Today Sophia had two appointments. One for her two month check-up complete with shots, and the second with the cardiologist. The shots went pretty well. She cried a bit, then slept a lot. She has to be the most precious thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
The cardiologist was a follow up appointment where he just went over more information and what we should look for as far as distress in her. As of now, he sees none of these signs. Knowing that the time could come where she would need surgery on her heart gripes me in fear. These moments enter quickly into my mind at the weirdest of times. When these thoughts come, they come forcefully. Paralyzing me with worry and anxiety. I have learned however, not to spend my time worrying about the what-ifs. For those of you who know me well, know this is a monumental task. Sure, I have not reached some sort of crazy Zen state where my mind is perfectly worry free. I have to make a conscious choice not to worry and to enjoy my little girl exactly how she is today. Perfect. We have weathered many a storm already, and we will weather any more that blow our way. I love her with a love I didn't know was possible and I will cherish every second watching her grow and not waste it on the what-ifs!
The cardiologist was a follow up appointment where he just went over more information and what we should look for as far as distress in her. As of now, he sees none of these signs. Knowing that the time could come where she would need surgery on her heart gripes me in fear. These moments enter quickly into my mind at the weirdest of times. When these thoughts come, they come forcefully. Paralyzing me with worry and anxiety. I have learned however, not to spend my time worrying about the what-ifs. For those of you who know me well, know this is a monumental task. Sure, I have not reached some sort of crazy Zen state where my mind is perfectly worry free. I have to make a conscious choice not to worry and to enjoy my little girl exactly how she is today. Perfect. We have weathered many a storm already, and we will weather any more that blow our way. I love her with a love I didn't know was possible and I will cherish every second watching her grow and not waste it on the what-ifs!
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
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| First Dosage of Vaccine Couldn't Take pics of the shots! Too sad for mom! |
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| How she spent her afternoon at home |
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Rock Star
Sophia is pretty much a rock star. She ate TWO ounces of cereal (which we haven't cleared with the pediatrician..shhh). If the girl wants to keep eating, I'm gonna let her! She was a bit fussy Tuesday night and we couldn't figure out why since she just ate. Well, mom instinct, and her tongue and mouth moving like crazy, indicated to me she wanted MORE! So she got, and ATE a whole other ounce on top of what she already ate! We have come to realize EVERYTHING is on her time frame. She will NOT eat from that bottle if SHE doesn't want to! Stubborn Girl...wonder where she gets it?
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| The Empty Evidence |
Sunday, May 13, 2012
First Mother's Day
Words can not express how much I enjoyed my day today. It started with an awesome breakfast made by Jeremy. Then he and little miss presented me with my gift and card (they went to Jareds!).After breakfast I cuddled with Sophia in our jammies for a little while. I laid with her and just was so thankful that she is here and how far she has come in one short month. I could not be happier to be her mother!
We then went to celebrate with my mom. She is the woman who taught me what it means to be a mom. She stayed up with me all hours of the night when I was a sick child. Years later she stayed with me throughout my entire two day labor and delivery! She stayed with me and supported me while Jeremy and Sophia had to go to Riley's. My mom has taught me unconditional love and I am so thankful to have her in my life.
We then went to celebrate with my mom. She is the woman who taught me what it means to be a mom. She stayed up with me all hours of the night when I was a sick child. Years later she stayed with me throughout my entire two day labor and delivery! She stayed with me and supported me while Jeremy and Sophia had to go to Riley's. My mom has taught me unconditional love and I am so thankful to have her in my life.
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| My day started out with a breakfast skillet! |
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| They went to Jared! |
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| Sophia after shopping with Daddy! |
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| Nana and Sophia |
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| Mom, sister, Me, & the kids! |
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| Enjoying a laugh |
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| Mommy and Sophia |
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| Beautiful Flowers from a friend |
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| Plant from Mom |
My day was amazing and I look forward to many more Mother's Days!
Monday, April 30, 2012
25 is a Happy Number
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Our Baby Girl
Emotional Roller Coaster. That is probably the understatement of the year. We have settled into our home with our little one after she was hospitalized for two week at Riley's Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. She was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, but we quickly realized that is not WHO she is. She is our baby. She has this "diagnosis, but it won't have her!
We have been through so much as a family the last weeks. Doctors,social workers, hospitals, needles, surgery, tears, joy. The whole nine yards! We have a long road ahead of us, but we are ready to watch our princess grow and conquer anything that comes!
We have been through so much as a family the last weeks. Doctors,social workers, hospitals, needles, surgery, tears, joy. The whole nine yards! We have a long road ahead of us, but we are ready to watch our princess grow and conquer anything that comes!
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