One of Those Days

Today was one of those days I was warned about. One of those hot, summery, sunny, days where everything is going really well, and then BAM!  This grey thundercloud enveloped me out of no where. It was a day that other moms of special needs children warned me about. A day where I would once again mourn. A day where my anger and sadness would yet again grip me and decide they wanted to hang out with me for the day. What really sucks is that there is no warning leading up to it. Your baby is doing great and you really have no reason to be upset. Yet, at the same time, you do. Because what you had anticipated and built up in your mind is not the reality you were faced with. There are times you get tired of being positive. Tired of it taking 45 minutes to feed your child when other babies are eating the same amount in ten minutes. Tired of doctors appointments. Tired of stares. Tired of feeling drained. Tired of the " you are doing a great job", which translates into I'm so glad it isn't me! Tired of explaining. YOU GET TIRED!
So that is where I am today. It makes me feel better to write those things. Makes me feel normal again!

Sophia has brought so much joy to my life over the past three months. Joy that I never knew. I knew when I became pregnant, that I of course would love my baby. I never realized the feeling of love would overwhelm me at times. It is such a strong, consuming feeling of love. She is amazing already and continues to make me proud of her strength and even her stubbornness. She is teaching me to be a better person. To look at others more kindly. To be patient. To enjoy every moment and soak up all the happiness that life has to offer. Was that the plan? I may never know.I do know however that Sophia is perfect and is the best gift I never knew I wanted!